Chico's Bail Bonds

Chico's (0-3) Loses in Mudfest

2009-05-29T09:33:00.003-04:00

It looked like Woodstock-- so much mud, so many good musicians. Chico's takes on a whole bunch of guys in baseball pants (always a bad sign). One guy even had that black stuff under his eyes. If you are wearing that stuff under your eyes, you should not be playing Single-A softball. Chico's plays Single-A softball because there is no league that is lower in purported competitiveness. The team wants to have fun, win a few games, and get together with the guys. There are a number of teams who have deliberately entered into Single-A because they could not win it all in Double-A. That sucks.

Anyway, it was muddy and rainy all day making this game awful. Chico's lost 9-0. The other team had one big inning off hurler DK1, but that was really it. They hit a few to the gap, a few outfielders slipped, etc. Rumors circulated that it was so muddy around third base that you could not even see the bag. The Bondsmen never made it that far to find out. Porterfield is hitting it solid. Leatherman is hitting it hard. Giuliani and Kelley are solid solid gloves all around. Nelms could make it and he was a fine fielder at catcher and at first. Batchelor made that play he ALWAYS makes, going backwards to field a shallow fly ball in the grass-- the toughest play in softball.

Highlights of the game included Leatherman making some fine defensive plays in right field. Mac made a great catch, diving in the mud from behind home plate to pull in a weak popup. He was filthy dirty by the end of the game, as was everyone. Foreman, who spent most of tehgame on the bench, was even filthy, splattered with muddiness. A large group gathered at 123 afterwards and had fun over a few beers.

May 30-31 Make-up Games

2009-05-22T19:51:00.001-04:00

http://www.boparc.org/news/newsdetails.php?id=748

5/31/2009, Sunday @Liberatore Field

1:00pm S4 Pronto Prints at Chico's Bail Bond
2:00pm S4 Chico's Bail Bond at BUCK'S

Double Header!

Chico's (0-1) Opens With Loss

2009-05-14T09:03:00.003-04:00

Finally, the Chico’s Bail Bonds team takes the field for its first game of the 2009 season. The skies cleared and a cool breeze wafted over the squad, a full 15 men in orange, ready to play. It was a good game, but Chico’s lost 10-3 against the Buckethead Pub. Is there an emoticon that expresses bad hitting? :-(

The game started off on the wrong foot when Jimmy the Umpire declared the new, highly effective Beatles Club Revolver bat to be illegal. It has double walls. Who knew? After stroking a clean single to lead off the Bonders’ hitting, Krovich’s beloved Wombat was also deemed illegal because of the improvised duct tape handle. Not a good way to start the season.

Misfortune continues when the first Bucketheads batter of the game hits a grounder to the Chico’s shortstop and he manages to knock down the ball off an ugly hop with his upper lip. After stanching the blood, Jimmy stayed in the game and managed to make some fine, super-smooth, digitally enhanced plays with both glove and arm. The Antonini-Batchelor axis of fielding prowess is Crosby-Malkin-like in its beauty and grace. Nothing lost in the off-season there. Krovich elicited the ghost of Freedom with an earnest “flop” on a sharp line drive. Foreman and Vehse turned a bang-bang double play off a sharp line drive to the box with a man on first.

Batting was off key for most of the team-- wrong notes at the wrong time and not enough of the power chord-innings we need to produce to make beautiful softball music. Porterfield, always on stage and ready to rock, has the hot bat with a few singles. March continues his workmanlike batting, a steady Keith Moonish anchor. He knocked in a run on a single to -- you guessed it -- the left side. We got some more hits here and there, but not enough in bunches and not enough big noise hits like doubles or triples. This will come with time, we hope. Bucketheads accounted for their 10 with a few big hits into the gaps—almost all of their hits were to the third base side.

But such minor inconveniences like illegal bats, busted lips, and bad hitting were overshadowed by the return of Meatball from California and Ravi from Evansdale. Both contributed mightily to the cause. Welcome back to the fold. Leatherman suited up and provided support, especially tips of hitting, "back elbow up." Lots of wonderful fans with children and dogs in orange lifted spirits and enhanced the evening dusk with cheers, beauty, and loving adoration.

Another Game Cancelled

2009-05-08T19:39:00.001-04:00

Too much rain, but it looks good for Wednesday the 13th at 8!

First Game Tonight ????

2009-05-06T08:34:00.001-04:00

Chico's is scheduled to take on Buck's at 7 pm on Wednesday, May 6, on the Liberatore Field. But rain is in the forecast. Coupled with over a week of heavy rains, this game is questionable. But don't bail on the Bonders until you call 292-6865 and press 3 for the BOPARC cancellation hotline.

First Game Cancelled

2009-05-03T21:59:00.002-04:00

Rain in the afternoon was sufficient to ruin the fields and postpone theSiingle-A kickoff. It is going to rain all week so it may be a while before the team sees action. A handful of Chico men take BP and fielding practice in the soggy outfield. Toby and Lucy romper galore in the outfield and got bad dirty. Bad but fun dirty.

First Game Wednesday at 6

2009-04-26T21:42:00.002-04:00

Chico's Bail Bonds opens up the 2009 season with the opening game of the Single-A league on the green grass of Liberatore Field at 6 pm, Wednesday, April 29.

Paternity Leave Measure Fails to Pass Chico's Bail Bonds Executive Committee

2009-04-24T17:44:00.004-04:00

By a vote of 4 to 1, the Chico's Bail Bonds Executive Committee failed to pass a proposed paternity leave policy. Under the policy, a team member would have been allowed to miss up to one game if the start time occurs within 24 hours of a known birth for which the player is reasonably suspected to be responsible.

In other votes, the CBB-EC voted to allow the sale of authentic replica jerseys with all profits going toward the purchase of a new bat. The Committee also approved a Hall of Fame display at 123 Pleasant Street or maybe the gym.

2009 Schedule Available

2009-04-24T17:22:00.001-04:00

Day; Date; Time; H/A; Opponent; Field

Wed; April 29; 6 pm; Pronto Print; Liberatore
Wed; May 6; 7 pm; @; Buck’s; Liberatore
Wed; May 13; 8 pm; Bucketheads Pub; Liberatore
Thu; May 14; 7 pm; @; Skeleton Crew; Ogden
Wed; May 27; 7 pm; Goodtimes; Liberatore
Wed; June 3; 7 pm; @; GST; Liberatore
Wed; June 10; 6 pm; Colosante’s; Liberatore
Thu; June 18; 6 pm; @; TBD; Ogden
Wed; June 24; 6 pm; Healthworks; Liberatore
Wed; July 1 ; 6 pm; @; Westover VFD; Liberatore
Tue; July 7; 8 pm; Paradise Lake; Liberatore
Wed; July 8; 6 pm; @; Rancho Cucamonga; Liberatore
Tue; July 21; 7 pm; Mylan Crush; Liberatore
Wed; July 22; 6 pm; @; Shaver Construction; Liberatore
Thu; July 23; 7 pm; MR Trophies; Ogden
Thu; August 6; 9 pm; @; Riverside Ministries; Liberatore
Wed; August 12; 8 pm; Cumberland Coal; Liberatore
Thu; August 13; 6 pm; @; Clear Mountain Bank; Liberatore
Wed; August 19; 8 pm; Dyno-Nobel; Liberatore

First Sign of Spring

2009-02-24T14:14:00.000-05:00

http://www.boparc.org/news/newsdetails.php?id=711

BOPARC Slow-Pitch Softball Packets are now available at the Morgantown Ice Arena or the main office at the Marilla Center. You can also print one from clicking the link at the bottom of the page. If you have any questions, please call Gordon Shilling at 304-292-6865.

Important dates to remember!

April 15, Application Form, Team Roster & Forfeit Fee($50)due by 4:30pm
April 15, 6pm-Umpire Meeting(Ice Arena)
April 20, Final date to turn in participation fee due by 4:30pm
April 22, Schedules will be available
April 23, Mandatory Team meeting:(Ice Arena)
6pm-Women's Blue,Men's A & All Co-ed
7:30-Men's Opeb, AAA, AA & Women's Gold
April 27, Men's season starts
May 1, Co-Ed season starts
May 11, Women's season starts

2008 Post-season Awards Announced

2008-08-08T18:15:00.006-04:00

In a special post-game ceremony, Manager Foreman handed out awards recognizing the special achievements of members of the Chico's Bail Bonds softball team. Awards were determined as a result of secret ballots distributed to team members and fans.

Best Outfield Glove: Giuliani
Best Infield Glove: Antonini
Best Hitter: Leatherman
Best Arm: Raese
Best Baserunner: March
Best Addition: Mac
Most Improved: Pintus
Comeback Player: Leatherman
Clutch Player: Batchelor
Best Moment: The Final Game: After being down 7-0 in the first, Chico’s stages a come-from-behind victory to beat a playoff team
MVP: Antonini

Chico's (8-11) End Season With Come-from-behind Victory!

2008-08-08T11:34:00.001-04:00

GST scored seven runs in the first, but the Orange chipped away and chipped away and kept the opposition's bats in check with some fine fielding. The game -- and the season -- ended on a strikeout swinging!

Orange (7-11) Erupt at the Plate for Big Win

2008-08-06T10:40:00.002-04:00

LoJaks lost as a result of a big inning by Chico's. They went all the way through the order, foiling the LoJaks plan to use a rover in shalow center; Antonini saw through it and whacked one to deep left center for a big hit. The first out in the big fifth inning occurred when Vehse popped up in his SECOND AT BAT OF THE INNING! Lots of hits. The boys are swinging through the ball and making solid contact, and it is working. Good work in the field too. Antonini made some great stops and Giuliani was exactly where he needed to be every time.

Chico's (6-11) Smothered, But Also Smothers

2008-08-06T10:38:00.002-04:00

It was a pitchers' duel for six innings. Chico's was up 3-0, but the opposition exploded for some big hits in the 7th to go up 6-3. The Bonders rally behind Batchelor's fierce D, but come up short with the bases loaded in the final frame.

You're Not Going to Believe This (6-10),

2008-07-25T00:25:00.002-04:00

but Chico's is guaranteed a losing season.

But the darker orange team is paid the greatest of flatteries: "When we are old, we want to be like you guys."

It warms the heart.

Bondsmen (6-9) Lose in Pitching Duel, 8-4

2008-07-23T16:02:00.000-04:00

Chicos' Band Feature: Billy Matheney and the Frustrations

2008-07-15T22:02:00.001-04:00

Orangemen (6-8) Extend Win Streak to Three Games

2008-07-11T11:18:00.005-04:00

Chico's Bail Bonds defeated the West Virginia Geological Survey by two runs. The WVGS was a 9-4 team. The victory is the first win by CBB over a team made up entirely of geologists and geographers.

Chico's has recorded many victories against teams of chemists, biologists, physicists, small business owners, police officers, fireman, bartenders, waiters, construction workers, coal miners, technical writers, high school students, undergraduates, graduate students, orthopedic surgeons, physical therapists, university professors, high school teachers, contractors, Mylan employees, retail sales representatives, and the chronically unemployeed.

"It is a historic day," commented team GM Giuliani. "Geologists, spelunkers, and cartographers are a hearty lot. They are practically engineered for good hitting. And tonight, our team of biological researchers, fundraisers, small business owners, musicians, waiters, physicians, freelancers, boxers, professors, bartenders, computer guys, and steel drum makers rose to the challenge. We should all be proud."

Chico's exhibited great skill in all aspects of the game.

Porterfield's first inning running grab ended the opening frame with the WVGS plating zero runs-- a big accomplishment against a team that hits well. The infield kept it close with solid fielding and throwing from left to right. Batchelor was at the right place at the right time. Antonini was all over the left side. Pintus and Kelley let nothing past them. Leatherman stretched for every throw. The outfield covered a lot of ground and was guided by the firm voice of Giuliani on every fly ball. It truly helps. All in all, Chico's was mistake free.

The Bonders had some timely hits. Antonini cleared the bases with a double. Porterfield continued the streak with a double that scored two. Raese is reaching base through well-placed hits and hustle. Krovich and Batchelor are assets at the top of the order. Leatherman swings the bat like Thor. Jeff Ryan subbed early and showed the effectiveness of the double-clutch swing. March placed the perfect Jim March hit: a sharp grounder that went straight down the line over third base. Throughout the game, batters hit the gaps and went down the line for singles and doubles.

Pitching discombobulated the geologists all night. Krovich and Foreman used every trick in an admittedly limited bag of tricks. [THIS SECTION REDACTED BY CENSORS] The "highlight" of pitching was a "not-so-quick quick pitch" third strike out on a batter who took his time by stepping out of the box. You gotta know the rules.

Management is especially pleased with the team's crafty baserunning. Batchelor and Porterfied are constantly alert for the extra base. They have a knack for getting to third by watching the throws and detecting opportunities. Raese put his speed to work. He forced bad throws and turned singles into doubles, doubles into triples. March scored from first. The last time March ran that far he was being chased by a guy in a uniform.

Chico's won because they did everything well. Oh, and the WVGS made some ill-timed errors too, which the Bonders took advantage of. And they never got their bats going. Chico's looks forward to more great games like this. Even the weather was perfect.

Chico's Band Feature: Love Me Knots

2008-07-08T23:10:00.000-04:00

Standings July 3, 2008

2008-07-07T11:26:00.000-04:00

A STANDINGS
Hughart's------------------11--0
Nutty C's------------------11--1
Good Times Lounge----------10--3
Healthcare Associates-------9--3
GST-------------------------9--4
WVGS------------------------9--4
Hall's Hit N Run------------9--5
Big Hitters-----------------7--5
Dimitris--------------------7--5
Honest Abe's Used Cars------7--6
Mylan Crush-----------------6--6
Clear Mountain Bank A-------5--5
Skeleton Crew---------------5--7
Chico's Bail Bonds----------5--8
Bucket Head's Pub A---------4--8
Nationals-------------------4--8
Johnson Brothers Trucking---4--8
D P Dough-------------------4--9
Lo Jaks---------------------3--9
Westover VFD----------------2--8
Colasante's-----------------2--10
Riverside Ministries A------1--12

Foreman's Glove Dies in Plane Crash

2008-07-05T14:58:00.003-04:00

The baseball glove of Chico's pitcher D. Foreman died early this morning in a single-plane crash in rural West Virginia. The glove boarded the twin-engine plane at 11:30 pm EST in Morgantown, bound for the rural Tug River Valley on a mission to assist with flood-relief efforts. The plane, reported to have been overloaded with too much cargo, was spotted at approximately 5:30 a.m. on the ground in Braxton County. Air traffic controllers lost radio contact with the plane soon after midnight.

Foreman's glove recently helped Chico's secure its historic 99th victory. Sources close to the team report that the glove was heard to express disapointment with limited playing time as a result of Foreman needing a different, larger mitt for playing in the outfield. Foreman reportedly also experimented on the mound with a similar glove that Leatherman found at the field last week.

Foreman, Foreman's recently retired shorts, and his old Reeboks with the blown-out shoelaces were not available for comment at press time.

Chico's (5-8) Wins One for Krovich's Birthday!

2008-07-02T20:28:00.004-04:00

Greg Leatherman hit a huge single over the head of Hit 'n Run's left fielder to score Antonini and Porterfield in the bottom of the seventh. The hit secured the 9-8 win for Chico's and added to the legend of Greg Leatherman: the big guy has come up HUGE since his return to the area. Lots of great fielding and hitting across the board against a tough opponent. Chico's owns a two-game win streak and is creeping up the standings.

From the Archives: Chico's 2006 Victory Over Hit 'n Run
Wednesday, May 10, 2006: Miscellany from a Miraculous Victory

A rousing victory lifts the spirits of the Orangemen on a beautiful spring day, wisps of clouds overhead and a joyous song in all mens hearts.

"I knew we would win," said Antonini after the victory. "Even with the bases loaded in the last inning, I knew we would win." Many teammates agree, a newfound confidence animating their deeds on the dust of Whiston Field.

"Even with the bases loaded again in the third, fourth, and sixth innings, I knew we would win," confirmed Hindal, triumphantly returning to his familiar spot at second after more than three years on sabbatical. His play was emblematic of the excellent defensive work all around, from Meatball's two successive snags at third to Ravi's sprawling catch and throw against the fence in left.

The happy victory was not without tragedy. Early in the contest, Porterfield was removed from the lineup after running to first on a grounder and pulling The Muscle. Dr. Second Base explained Porterfield's injury. "Anybody who has seen Porterfield in a pair of shorts will know that he has only two muscles in his legs. He pulled both of them. This explains his extreme pain; there is nothing he can do about it."

It was the right fielder's first full sprint in at least a decade of almost complete physical inactivity. His children comforted him with blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals as their father lay gasping in pain on the sidelines. "How cute," commented passersby, Porterfield moaning in misery.

On a more beatific note, the Bonders experienced in the fourth inning what thousands of Christian blogs are already describing as the Immaculate Out. Hit 'n Run's catcher was credited with tagging Pintus for the final out as the pinch hitter sprinted home on a close play at the plate. Chico witnesses confirmed that a tag did not appear to take place--the catcher quite clearly missed and Pintuss leg was not touched by any defenders glove, ball, or hand. The umpire explained that he saw the catchers glove bend as a result of apparent pressure against Pintuss leg. A miracle! A holy episode of divine intervention! Right here in Morgantown! Right on Pintuss left leg! Hundreds of pilgrims from as far away as Maryland and Pennsylvania have already converged on the field, candles lit and hushed in prayer around the backstop. They reverentially remove tokens of dust and stones. A group of Pentecostals tried to steal home plate as a relic of this holy deed.

"This makes teaching critical reasoning extremely difficult," said Pintus as he walked from the field. Flowers bloomed in his wake, and the injuries of bystanders suddenly healed. Meatball gagged on his bottled water as it turned to wine.

"I can see!" screamed March, removing his sunglasses as Pintus departed. "Thank God I can see!"

CBB (4-8) Notches Historic 99th Win For Franchise

2008-07-02T16:51:00.004-04:00

Virtue (3-8) Loses to Youth

2008-06-29T16:11:00.003-04:00

It was a beautiful day for softball. Chico's only scores 5 runs, and the 2-out disease plagues them again. Hughart's scored almost every run with two outs. The infield and outfied missed plenty of opportunities to shut the door; they simply could not make it happen when they needed to do so.

They (3-7) Hung In There, But Came Up Short

2008-06-23T10:37:00.005-04:00

Greg Leatherman is back! Back like Jesus!

Greg hits a homer with two guys on. It is so great to have the Leatherman in the four spot in the lineup and playing first base. And dammit he delivered.

The best part of having him back-- during the course of the game, he dispensed invaluable hitting advice to his teammates about hitches in swings and timing.

Foreman has been hitting like a mother, and so has Antonini. Batchelor is the #1 hitter no matter what at this point because pound for pound there is no man better than he in Single-A softball. Guaranteed. And we have him. And he has us.

March is perceivably faster. Pintus has found a home-- third base. Vehse has stroked it well in clutch situations and is a fine catcher. Krovich anchored the outfield. I could go on and on, on and on with accolades for Porterfield, Raj (Raj!), Nelms, Kelley, Mac, Giuliani, Clayton, Raese, and all the dudes.

Beatles club at Roh's basement!

Orange Men (3-6) Lose Another Fucking Game

2008-06-20T11:40:00.001-04:00

We lose another game to some ringers-- ring around the rosie ringers. But everyone is somewhat happy because Ravi is back for a game. And everyone is permitted a glimpse of softball brilliiance. Diving ctahces! A triple! Hitting to the gap! Slapping it here and slapping it there. Einstein in orange, our Ravi! But it is shortlived. And it is not enough. The Crew we played had a good night and we lost. Dammit we lost.

Chico's (3-5) Looks Crisp Against Young Team

2008-06-18T08:38:00.002-04:00

They were young and brash and Chico's overwhelmed them with class and character. Good fielding, especially up the middle, and timely hits-- March, Vehse, Nelms stand out in this reporter's mind-- put the opposition away. Pintus starts and does well with two fielding plays up the middle in the first. Foreman relieves and strikes out two.

Both Antonini and Foreman get lippy with the umpires and opposition. The boys on the opposite team were trash talking all night. They did not understand the rules, including the rules about avoiding contact when running the bases. Poor sports and bad hitters, the kind of team we like to defeat. They will learn.

But all in all, there is a consensus among the players and fans that tonight Chico's looked crisp, like a new five-dollar bill.

Chico's (2-5) Roughed Up

2008-06-16T20:45:00.000-04:00

Bonders (2-4) Win Against Religious Sect!

2008-06-07T20:06:00.002-04:00

Chico's (1-4) Loses Tough Game

2008-06-07T20:06:00.001-04:00

Chico's (1-3) Humiliates Opponents

2008-05-27T17:42:00.002-04:00

The Chico's Bail Bonds softball team held its collective head up high in a 17-2 game against Big Hitters. A soggy outfield hampered the Bondsmen in their efforts to cover the field from left to right with only three men out in the grass. Balls fell in and when they did not fall in they went really really far, over heads. But throughout the ordeal, the Bonders held their heads high and perservered with their fighting spirit and pride in tact. The strength of the Bonders in the face of adversity and the never-say-die attitude ultimately served to humiliate the entire Big Hitters lineup. They were clearly out of their league when it came to dedication to the craft and high art of softball.

Class is not something that comes naturally to the Big Hitters. They are young, and they will learn.

If you look up "heart of a champion" in the dictionary, you will see a pic of Dave Krovich. As he wheeled his Bath chair up to the field before the game, he whispered haltingly into the head coach's ear, barely able to getthe words out: "I will play if you need me. I don't want to forfeit [gasp], so I can catch and walk when I hit the ball." It was, sadly necessary to get him in the lineup. In spite of his broken toe, Krovich handled a play at the plate and scored a put out on a good through from the outfield. He was solid swinging the bat and deserves all credit for keeping Chico's in the game.

Chico's (1-2) Earns Moral Victory

2008-05-16T00:28:00.002-04:00

There are victories and there are moral victories. Chico’s records a loss in the official standings for this one. But the fifth inning—with the orange-socked boys on the verge of elimination—may be counted as a moral victory of heroic dimensions.

The score was 14-0, and Chico’s needed to tally at least five runs to stay alive. Kelley led off with a single. A series of fielding miscues, bloopy hits, heads-up base running, and solid hits got Kelley and five of his colleagues home safely to keep Chico’s alive. The series of minor miracles was so dramatic—so impressive!—that Nelms was even contemplating the possibility of a higher power who’s hand might maybe be guiding the proceedings here on earth. The most compelling argument, perhaps, of God’s existence was when March scored from second on a double by Antonini with the bases loaded—jumpin’ jehozephat! We of lesser intellect and we weaker hearts compelled were swayed by even the slightest evidence of a higher power on our wet and soggy basepaths! What else but the mighty influence of an extra-human force could possibly pull off such an event! Six runs in one inning! March scores from second! Kelley rounds the bases, station-to-station, when he should have in fact been out at pretty much every base!

Ultimately, Nelms is unmoved in his convictions. But Foreman is influenced to the point of tears when he sees what he considers a rare and special Chico’s stigmata—Krovich is bleeding somewhat spontaneously from his toes! Like Christ!

And it rained, rained the whole game like Blade Runner.

Addendum:
The March at bat was a breakthrough. He busted loose at just the right time. The outfield played valiantly under awful conditions-- a swamp out there. Krovich may be shelved for a bit with that toe. Nelms is a fine first baseman. Where is Meatball? Going to California with an achin' in his heart?

Chico's (1-1) Wins

2008-05-09T08:29:00.001-04:00

The Bonders prevail the old-fashioned way: by forfeit. Dmitri's can only pull eight men together for a 7 pm start and they must concede defeat. Luckily, Clayton shows as a ninth man to save the day and give Chico's the first victory of 2008.

The play of the game is when Clayton pulled into the parking lot,exited his vehicle and walked down to the bench with his orange jersey barely visible under his jacket. This was the stake in the heart of the opponent.

Krovich comes in with a close second when he walked from his white sedan to the field, clad in an orange t-shirt and orange vest and carrying two bats.

Comeback player of the game is Giuliani who passed on the luxury vehicle and chose instead to drive the white pickup. Welcome back white pickup.

Clutch performer was Jenny. She filled out the lineup in a first-come, first-served method that proved too much for Dmitri's. We cannot also forget Porterlove and his orange socks, one of many orange-sock wearers courtesy of Antonini. If tv cameras had been present, they certainly would have replayed in slow motion his warm-up tosses before the game.

The Bonders look forward to more hard-fought victories at Ogden Field this year in a slight drizzle. After all, 90 percent of success in BOPARC is just showing up. CBB has not forfeited a game in more than five years. We show up to play. Or at the very least we show up.

Are You Ready For Game 2?

2008-05-07T19:29:00.000-04:00

Chico's Loses 2008 Opener; Is Rewarded with Burgers

2008-05-01T14:04:00.002-04:00

The season has started and we are all clad in orange as a team.

Honest Abe's got younger last year with the addition of some new blood, young blood that put some pop in the bats and good gloves in the outfield. Youth strikes again with a torrent of runs in the 2008 season opener for Chico's. Chico's, an aging team that is not getting any younger, just can't get to some balls.

The game is best epitomized by Foreman's long drive in the second inning. Abe's was cheating in shallow with their outfielders so Foreman whacked it hard and was in position for a homer. But as he rounded second he suddenly found himself ribs-down in the dirt halfwayto third. Fortunately for him, the ball bounced around the infield and he was able to make it back to second safely. He later scored. But such is the game for the Bonders-- opportunities squandered because there is too much rust on the wheels. Thus a loss in seven innings,11-8.

Chico's will bounce back because there were after all some good signs-- a double play, great outfield catches, fine face-in-the-dirt efforts by the infielders and solid hits throughout the lineup. We must also note the addition of Sunnyside Mac to the lineup and the return of Robert and Nelms to the team. Welcome aboard and welcome back.

We cannot let the season begin without noting the loss of GregLeatherman. Good #93 moved to Johnstown this month. Leatherman was a constant at cleanup and at first base for years. Many hitters improved their performance at the plate through his observations and advice. Conversations will be less lively and games will be less exciting with the big guy out of the lineup.

2008 Chico's Season Schedule Announced

2008-04-24T21:59:00.000-04:00

Wed; April 30; 6 pm; Honest Abe’s; Ogden Field
Thu; May 8; 7 pm; @ Dimitri’s; Ogden Field
Thu; May 15; 9 pm; Good Times Lounge; Whiston Field
Tue; May 20; 10 pm; @ Hugharts; Whiston Field
Thu; May 22; 9 pm; Bug Hitters; Whiston Field
Tue; May 27; 8 pm; @ Nutty C’s; Whiston Field
Thu; May 29; 9 pm; @ Clear Mountain Bank; Whiston Field
Thu; June 5; 10 pm; Riverside Ministries; Liberatore Field
Wed; June 11; 7 pm; DP Dough; Ogden Field
Tue; June 17; 9 pm; @ Nationals; Liberatore Field
Wed; June 18; 7 pm; Skeleton Crew; Ogden Field
Tue; July 1; 9 pm; @ Westover VFD; Liberatore Field
Wed; July 2; 6 pm; Hall’s Hit N Run; Ogden Field
Thu; July 10; 9 pm; @ WVGS; Liberatore Field
Tue; July 22; 10 pm; @ Mylan Crush; Liberatore Field
Thu; July 24; 10 pm; Colasante’s; Liberatore Field
Thu; July 31; 10 pm; @ Johnson Brothers Trucking; Liberatore Field
Tue; Aug 5; 10 pm; @ Lo Jaks; Whiston Field
Thu; Aug 7; 6 pm; GST; Whiston Field

Start of the 2008 BOPARC Single A Softball Season

2008-04-19T11:01:00.002-04:00

Some new Single A rules and reminders for the 2008 Season:

--No homers. If it is hit over the fence, it is an out and that spot in the batting order is an out the whole game
--Payment due by April 23, lots of teams on waiting list so get the cash in now!
--Uniforms required by May 23
--No duplicate numbers
--Evidence of drinking before or during game will result in immediate dismissal from game.
--No double-wall bats.
--Sliding- avoid contact, hard slides illegal
--Manager and assistant manager may only argue calls. Don't argue balls and strikes, EVER!
--No drinking. Newly hired BOPARC security officer will police.
--65 min time limit per game
--Games for Single A are Monday through Thursday
--Safety bases first base required to use by runner going to first on hit. First baseman uses white bag. Runner uses orange bag.
--IDs required to have with you if protests about being on roster or age. Must be 16 to play.
--Roster adds in writing required during season. Must go through office, notright before game.
--Must play in five games to play in playoffs
--Schedules out next week
--Protesting calls: Do it before umpire calls time. Once ump calls time,after ump calls for pitch, just ask for appeal
--Batting out of order is not an out if he is pitched to. Batter may step out and be replaced by proper batter. Corrections possible for batting out of order
--Keep your own book if you want to protest scores

2007 in Review

2008-04-15T21:45:00.000-04:00

Games Played, 2007
Thursday, 08/09/07, Liberatore Field, 9:00pm S2 Chico's Bail Bonds (9-10) 13 vs Transmission Plus 12
Wednesday, 08/08/07, Liberatore Field, 8:00pm S2 Tailgater's Bar & Grill 17 vs Chico's Bail Bonds (8-10) 7
Thursday, 08/02/07, Whiston Field, 10:00pm Chico's Bail Bonds 20 (8-9) vs Skeleton Crew 15
Tuesday, 07/31/07, Liberatore Field, 9:00pm Riverside Ministries 9 vs Chico's Bail Bonds 6 (7-9)
Tuesday, 07/31/07, Whiston Field; 10:00pm Maniacs 12 vs Chico's Bail Bonds 5 (7-8)
Tuesday, 07/24/07, Whiston Field, 6:00pm Chico's Bail Bonds 9 (7-7) vs Psyclones 6
Tuesday, 07/17/07, Liberatore Field; 6:00pm S2 Panrell Construction 12 vs Chico's Bail Bonds 3 (6-7)
Thursday, 07/12/07, Liberatore Field; 6:00pm S2 Chico's Bail Bonds (6-6) 15 vs Mylan Crush 10
Thursday, 06/21/07, Liberatore Field; 10:00pm S2 Chico's Bail Bonds (5-6) 17 vs Jefferson Nighthawks 22
Thursday, 06/14/07, Liberatore Field; 10:00pm ISR 12 vs Chico's Bail Bonds (5-5) 8
Wednesday, 06/13/07, Liberatore Field; 8:00pm Healthworks 7 vs Chico's Bail Bonds (5-4) 11
Tuesday, 06/12/07, Liberatore Field; 6:00pm S2 Chico's Bail Bonds (4-4) 3 vs Honest Abe's 7
Tuesday, 06/05/07, Liberatore Field; 10:00pm Chico's Bail Bonds 7 (4-3) vs HealthCare Assoc. 13
Tuesday, 5/29/07, Whiston Field; 8:00pm S2 Hit n Run 17 vs Chico's Bail Bonds 7 (4-2)
Wednesday, 05/23/07, Liberatore Field; 9:00pm S2 Chico's Bail Bonds 12 (4-1) vs Diabolus 7
Tuesday, 05/15/07, Whiston Field; 10:00pm S2 Clear Mountain Bank A 6 vs Chico's Bail Bonds 5 (3-1)
Thursday, 05/10/07, Liberatore Field; 9:00pm S2 Chico's Bail Bonds 13 vs Chestnut Ridge Church III 3 (3-0)
Tuesday, 05/08/07, Liberatore Field; 10:00pm S2 Chico's Bail Bonds 14 vs TY 4 (2-0)
Tuesday, 05/01/07, Liberatore Field; 9:00pm S2 GST 18 vs Chico's Bail Bonds 23 (1-0)

2008 Chico's Softball

2008-04-09T00:36:00.002-04:00

Packets are in. Deposit is in. We are in Single A and we are currently tied for first place.

This is fair warning to all of Single A BOPARC softball: Chico's is ready to win. No mercy. We have all been working out, developing better reflexes, improving our speed, lifting our weights, and generally tuning into a psychological state of flawlessness, aggressiveness, hungriness, and Chiconess maximus. Right, guys? RIGHT!

Team Meeting

2008-03-29T00:33:00.001-04:00

Friday 8 pm at 123 Pleasant Street. 2008 season is upon us.

Chico's (9-10) Closes Out 2007 with a Win!

2007-08-18T22:09:00.000-04:00

Two prominent MIAs—Pintus and Antonini—make this look like a loss just waiting to run its course. Chico’s shuffles its lineup and its fielding arrangement putting Foreman at short, Leatherman in left, Ryan in right center, March in right, Porterfield at first, and Krovich on the mound. Transmission Plus is going to the playoffs (if they can win one or two out of three this week), and Chico's is in their minds an automatic win.

Like the boys have done all year, they keep it close. Batchelor has one of his best games of the year at second, ranging far afield to snag those tough pop-ups to nowhere, stopping sharp grounders, covering second on potential double plays, and all the while telling everyone where to throw and when to chill with the ball and just run it in. At he plate, he sets the tones with hits from the top of the lineup.

Krovich plays his role with several Ks, two in one inning. He hurls it well all night. Giuliani authored some excellent catches. Leatherman displayed a healed and strong arm. Meatball was flawless at third. Porterfield acted like he started as a seedling at first. Vehse is heads up all game. March field a grounder—he and Foreman both lay low at their unusual positions in the fielding arrangement, and Transmission never catches on.

Offense is a little livelier than usual. The orange rounds the bases regularly. All the while, when runs cross and when runners challenge arms and gloves, the Transmission folks ask, “What’s the score?” and “Who’s winning?” They are not accustomed to this type of close game, especially against a motley bunch of old men, musicians, and former gandydancers.

Does the orange get in their heads? When Foreman turned a bases-loaded single into a triple—forcing Krovich to home and forcing a poor throw that allowed him to score sliding—did he hit a raw nerve, the kind under a rotting tooth? When Batchelor came down once again tumbling in the shallow infield grass with a Texas leaguer firmly in glove, did he get under their skin like a mosquito bite? When March slapped a single down the line, did it pinch like a chigger? When Giuliani slid in the grass to steal a hit, did it burn like one of those hot chilis that everyone dares you to eat? I think it did, and in the last inning it showed.

Meatball led of, and he got to third on a grounder follow by a series of poor throws. Cooler heads of the third base coach held him up. He was pissed, annoyed like everyone else by the mouth of the first baseman. Next up, Leatherman slapped a single that scored Meatball and tied the score at 12, with no outs in the final frame. Extra innings at least loomed for Transmission, a playoff team looking past Chico’s on their remaining schedule.

Next up, March hit another single. More poor fielding allowed Leatherman to get to third. The Transmission intelligentsia insisted that Vehse get walked to first to load the bases. With no outs, the Transmission fellas hoped for an infield single and a play at the plate.

Jeff Ryan strode to the plate with the bases juiced and no outs. A hit or a walk wins the game. Ryan had played only one other game and because he had the wrong kind of shirt—a 123 shirt and not a Chico’s jersey—he was forced to sit for his at bats and take an out. Dam rules. This time, well clad in the number 7, sleeveless and sweat soaked, he took a pitch for a ball. Pressure’s on the pitcher, but Ryan is relaxed and confident. Next pitch gets stroked to center field. Leatherman makes sure it clears the gloves of the infield and lands safely in the grass. He trots home, exuberant and joyful. Chico’s wins! Chico’s wins! Chico’s wins as soon as his sole graces the dusty plate at Whiston. Cheers erupt. Chickas swoon. Jeff Ryan is lifted in the arms of his imagination and thrown to the skies, aloft on victory.

Sleep well Chico’s. You earned it.

Chico's (8-10) Loses by 10 Runs in 6 Innings

2007-08-14T18:29:00.000-04:00

The latter part of the season does lend itself to the imagination. August in Morgantown is hot and humid. There is always a stretch of brutally hot weather that lasts for two weeks. Overall it has been a cool summer, cool as the Fonz. But these days it is hot, sapping the brain of its creativity. So this time, let me just tell it like it is, no embellishments, no cheating.

Chico’s loses. And the boys go down for the first time in a long time in less than seven innings by more than ten runs. But what can you do when you’re up against one of the greatest art rock bands of the late 20th century? Yes, Yes can hit, field, and run the bases like nobody else.

“I liked them in the 80s when they had that little comeback,” says Meatball. “ ‘Owner of a Lonely Heart’ is an awesome song!”

Yes appreciates the flattery. Steve Howe even signs an autograph for Porterfield.

“I love your work on Roundabout,” he says, nervous and boyish in his admiration. Howe strokes it three consecutive times in Porterfield’s direction—and all three times, the big first baseman boots it. Is this a matter of hero worship turning the big guy’s glove to jelly? Or, did Brian deliberately make errors so he could talk to his idol while he stood on first?

When Chris Squires takes the mound, Chico’s is baffled by his complex handiwork on the softball seams, like his mastery of the bass strings on Fragile. Chico’s cannot figure him out. Vehse admits that he grew up memorizing licks from early Yes records, and his ineptitude at the plate is partly as a result of being awestruck.

Batchelor admits to similar childhood fascinations, but he prefers the 1990s work of Anderson, Bufford, Wakeman, and Howe, a highly underrated effort by four of the group’s core members.

The most touching moment of the game occurred at its end. After every BOPARC Single-A victory, Jon Anderson sings “Don’t Kill the Whale” a capella. Everyone bows with eyes to the ground. Yes, there were tears. As Foreman walks from the field a bit bleary-eyed himself, he wonders if maybe he could have tried a bit harder. But if Chico’s had won, they would not hear the whale song. Foreman loves whales. A lot.

Standings, end of July

2007-08-05T09:23:00.000-04:00

Panrell Construction 14---2 L
Nutty C's 14---3
Hall's / Hit N Run 13---3 L
Riverside Ministries 12---3 L
HealthCare Associates 12---4 L
Tailgater's Bar & Grill 12---4
Transmission Plus 10---4
Skeleton Crew 10---5 W
GST 9---5 W
ISR 7---6 L
Clear Mountain Bank 9---8 L
Chico's Bail Bonds 8---9
Honest Abe's 7---9 L
Mylan Crush 7---10 W
Maniacs 5---10 L
Westover VFD 4---9
Jefferson Nighthawks 4---10 L
Healthworks 3---11 W
TY 3---14 W
Chestnut Ridge Church III 2---11 W
Psyclones 2---13 W
Diabolus 0---13 W

Chico's (8-9) Hovers at .500

2007-08-03T21:39:00.001-04:00

Skeleton Crew failed to show last year. The year before, Chico's blew a 9-0 lead. This year, the Chico's carousel last a half hour and results in 15 runs. Antonini reaches the plate three times in one inning, setting off a chain of walks and singles that cannnot be stopped. S-Crew simply did not figure out Chico's. Krovich pitched and Foreman played left in a reversal of roles. Both do well. More great fielding with some heads up fielding plays. Leatherman hurt his finguh. Lots of beautiful chickas chicks in the stands looking beautiful. Jeff Ryan there too. A couple Chandrans and a few Browns round out a raucous group.

Chico's (7-9) Gets Swept By Cult

2007-08-03T21:36:00.000-04:00

A band of marauding crusdaers dressed in black shirts and baseball pants almost gets beat by a resilient and tipsy Chico's team. March is the man of the hour. He gets hi sgame on, slapping some good solid hits. Fielding was excellent with two 1-6-3 double plays in consecutive innings. All around, the team played excellently. Porterfield had a great catch in right with a high leap to snag it. But alas the bats suffered again, and the boys got little started after the first two innings, losing after a 6th innng rally by the snake handlers, 9-6.

Chico's (7-8) Loses to Maniacs

2007-08-03T21:35:00.000-04:00

In the first game of a double header, Chico's loses to a team they shoulda beaten. Teh bats were useless and dead. The final score was 11-5.

Three Games This Week

2007-07-30T17:24:00.000-04:00

We have two on Tuesday and one on Thursday-- one of the biggest weeks in the history of CBB softball, if not in the history of mankind. Let's win another one, maybe three. Dig deep, Chico, dig deep. --The Management

Two Fer One Blog from Chico's (7-7)

2007-07-25T22:08:00.000-04:00

The Bondsmen play one of their best games of the year-- nay, EVER!-- and lose. One week later, they play a mediocre game and win. Such are the fortunes of single-A softball.

Last week, Purnell Construction looked to whallop the boys who wear orange on their chests and carry passion in their hearts. They had ten-runned everyone they beat so far this year. And they have only lost once. Chico's stands up to the challenge, keeping it close and finally succumbing 12-3 in seven innings. There are victories and there are moral victories. It is a tally in the loss column, but Chico's has a shitload of excellent moments to be proud of. Batchelor continues to amaze. Porterfield takes over behind the plate for teh ailing Vehse and records an at-home put out in the second inning. Kelley throws his body to the dirt to make great catches and records an out at thrid base on a runner. Antonini is the bridge between them all, rifling throws home from the outfield to the infield with great accuracy. Alas, the bats were quiet. Only Giuliani's big homer to the fence is a highlight, and a major one at that.

Thsi week, the Chico's Psy-ops corps provides the whole team with special ESP-jamming helmets to disrupt the emotional and psychological minds games perpetrated on a regular basis by the Psyclones. On the advice of Dr. Anderson, the boys refuse verbal communication and eye contact with the enemy. It works. Chico's wins with solid D and serviceable bats. Oh, and the pills and LSD helped too.

Chico's (6-6) Gets Laid

2007-07-13T20:21:00.001-04:00

Winning ways return for out beloved team. Chico's beats Mylan Crush 15-10. The weather was absolutely gorgeous, warm and sunny.

On the field, the boys look rusty. It has been three weeks since the last game, a heartbreaker. After the dust is brushed off the gloves and bats, things start to click.

And in the bleachers, beauty is radiant in black shirts and orange letters-- Chicas has new shirts courtesy of Mary, and quite possibly this is the emotional boost needed to focus the team's energy toward bedding that elusive mistress, Victory.

It seemed like every play somehow involved secpnd base and Mr. Batchelor. Let's start at the end-- game over on a line drive tailing off to his left. Nice catch. Earlier, he hits a long fly ball that turns into a bases-loaded triple. Nice hit. In between he covers second on numerous occasions for forceouts from Antonini, Meatball, and even Giuliani. After the game, he and Vehse take the stage and play music. Nice show.

Other than Batchelor's fine work, many others contributed to the team's success. Krovich set the hitting tone with hits and aggressive baserunning. Leatherman gets back on track with the bat. A few big innings secure Victory's love for at least one more night this year.

Rain-out rescheduled

2007-07-11T16:43:00.000-04:00

Chico's will take the field for a rare double header on July 31. At 9 pm, the boys take on the Maniacs. At 10 pm, they take on the Riverside Apostolic Evangelical Snake Handlers for another us-versus-them matchup. Nelms will be in Italy, enjoying the fruits of humanistic thought. Shucks.

Both games on the haloowed grounds of Liberatore.

Chico

Foreman's Shorts Announce Retirement

2007-06-30T11:08:00.001-04:00

Manager D. Foreman's tan shorts announced early today that the 2007 BOPARC single-A softball season will be its final year of competition.

Foreman's shorts have particiated in Chico's Bail Bonds competition for more than 8 years. For most of these seasons, they helped to pitch. The shorts have also played a major role batting and running. Chico's fans will probably best remeber them for the important protective role they played in sliding.

"My pants have been a wonderful partner during most of my career in softball," said Foreman in an interview with Larry King. "I wish them well in the next phase of their career and life."

When pressed by King for clues about what the future may hold for the apparel, Foreman admitted to not having spoken with his knickers about the retirement.

"They've been discussing this decision for a long time, so it's not unexpected," explained Foreman. "But I did not hear about the announcement, frankly, until I read about it in The Times."

Foreman's admission reveals a long-rumored estrangement from his shorts. Experts suspect that the rift between the pitcher and his pants started in 2004 when the bottom stitching of the right pantleg revealed a significant tear.

Foreman's shorts were not available at press time for an interview. In the written statement, the shorts revealed that they are "one hard slide away from a very embarassing on-field situation." The statement appears to confirm speculation among fans and the media that the threadbare garment is approaching unusability as a result of the rigors of athletic competition and years of circulation in the washing machine after each game.

The shorts' agent, in an e-mail, did not commit her client to any future plans, but she did not refute speculation that retirement may include being tucked away in the back of a closet or being used as rags in the garage.

Foreman's shorts made their debut in 1999 in an early spring game against BOAZ, a 15 to 9 loss. Since that day, the shorts have particpated in more than 150 games for Chico's Bail Bonds and the WVU Fundation. The shorts have also made major contributions to cutting the grass, painting the dining room, and trimming the hedges.

Chico's Erupts for 17 Runs

2007-06-25T23:49:00.000-04:00

What a hitfest! The orange crush crosses the plate a whopping 17 times in 7 innings (FYI: 17 equals XVII in Roman numerals).

Everyone gets in on the act at the plate. Foreman hits a three-run round tripper on a tailing drive to shallow right that skips to the fence. Batchelor strokes it solidly to left center. He is one of many in the zone. Krovich manages to churn around the basepaths and he gets clocked in the head for good measure. Porterfield has a sound game. Antonini delivers in the clutch. Kelley is victim of a mystery tag at third. Pintus has his mind wrapped around the strike zone like Einstein around E=mc^2. Meatball makes it look easy. Vehse wears little lightning bolts on his boots. And Leatherman shows he is not just glove and legs like a pair of extend-o-grip pliers. He can hit like a bad motherfucker.

Seventeen runs, can you believe it? I cannot, and quite possibly neither can the Chica faithful who packed the stands on this periodically soaked night, muddy and slick. We have two weeks off to heal up and grow our livers back. Take care.

Chico's (5-5) Dies in Fiery Bus Plunge, 12-8

2007-06-18T13:35:00.000-04:00

After the hard-fought loss of 12-8 at the hands of ISR, Chico's needs to go back home and lick its wounds in preparation for a tough hot summer. Licking wounds will be easy for Krovich, as he has a wounded knee. It will be harder for Antonini, whose wound is on his chin.

Chico's does many things well on this snap-to-it night with a prompt 10 pm start time, and all of them were on display Thursday night. It was like a booth at the bazaar, all of the finest wares spread out on the carpet to be discussed and fawned over, negotiated possibly, or even haggled.

Over here on the near corner of this vast ornate rug, prominently displayed because it always catches the eye of passerby, is a worn leather glove. A baseball mitt you call it? Yes, it is used in an obscure, difficult to understand American game called baseball or for older people softball. It is used to protect the hand during play from hard-hit balls. Without it the hand would be swollen, the fingers broken, and possibly the skin torn from the seams of the ball. This particular model was used lovingly in the hills of West Virginia for many years by its owner. Yes it is worn and scuffed and yes true as you observe it is in need of some repair. But these are minor technical considerations which obscure the true worth of this piece of equipment. No please let us not call it that. It is not equipment. It is like an extension of the hand and fingers unlike any other tool one may find. This one in particular served as a pillow for a boy when it was bought. They are artifacts
and works of art that age well and in fact serve the owner better as they get older. There are many memories in this one. If you rub it with oil it will like the lamp speak memories and hopes of success and prowess in the dirt and grass. It will tell you about the bad hop that caught it unawares on a hot Morgantown night. This one went deep in the grass to snatch out of the air a popup at second. This one caught a well-thrown ball at the plate for an out at home, a rarity indeed making it more valuable than the rest. These bats are not worth as much. I reserve them out of sight for the desperate. The orange one is serviceable, can be very effective in the right hands. The red and black ones are very similar and can, under the correct circumstances, produce miracles. Yes, the shoes work well, but only in conjunction with the bats. I find the dark ones with the hard soles to be especially interesting and very much not in keeping with the rest of them. I think the owner's na
me was March. The green hat is not for sale. But the yellow ones can be had cheap. Unlike the gloves, they do not wear as well with age.

All of these are useless unless they are in the hands of devotees of the game, illuminated in the dust by the light of brotherhood. They work well only when the wisdom gained by selflessness and discipline animate their operation. They produce magic results when handled by the right combination of brothers and sisters. And work they did back in their heydey, before the fiery bus plunge outside Kabul that claimed this team. A wonderful team, loyal and fun loving.

Chico's (5-4) Hits 11 Button

2007-06-14T11:45:00.000-04:00

Thunderstroms threatened this game. Lightning crisscrossed the horizon to the south and west. Thunder rolled ominously from the heavens. But Mother Nature kept her fury at bay. The skies cleared and Chico's was able to put on a show for the dozens of fans who gathered to witness day two of this week's three-game set.

All 11 runs came in the first three innings for Chico's. A few big innings early were all they needed. Highlights include Meatball's triple and Vehse's two-out double, both of which produced some nice RBIs.

But this game is best characterized by more fine fielding. Antonini, Batchelor, and Leatherman teamed up for their second 6-4-3 double play of the year. Later, Leatherman came in toward the plate and dove for a pop-up. He threw to Foreman covering the bag for an out on the guy who got hung up off of first base. Giuliani ranged to his right, to his left, and back to his right late in the game to squelch rally-inducing hits. Pintus basket-caught a fly ball in right. Batchelor and Meatball both made over the shoulder catches on bloopers that would have otherwise spelled doom. The coup de grace for Foreman-- other than his 13th K on the year-- was his catch of a blistering line drive up the middle to notch the second out of the 7th.

"It goes nice with a four-for-four night," he remarks, chilling his swollen glove hand around a nice cold one at his trunk.

"Indeed," agrees Krovich, limping to his car and looking like he may pitch soon.

Dewey (4-4) Defeats Truman

2007-06-13T16:59:00.001-04:00

A revitalized Honest Abe's squad rallies late to crush the hopes of our team. Younger men in the field provide runs and hits to Abe's, and their improved defense stifles the Bonders, allowing only three runs total. Ouch and double ouch.

The highlight of the night is Raece's triumphant return to the diamond. He plays first flawlessly and reaches base once on two at bats. Welcome back.

Throughout the contest, the rest of Chico's displayed some excellent fielding. Long hits to the outfield were routinely snagged. In several unfortunate at bats, Abe's got it all the way to the fence. Our outfielders responded with quick and precise throws to the infield, holding runners on and preventing some runs. But too many got through for Abe. Too few got through for Chico's.

The scariest moment of the night was in the 6th. Antonini looked perfectly positioned to begin a double play on a weakish grounder, but the ball took an awkward hop and nailed him in the chin.

"I see stars," he said. "Paris Hilton . . . George Clooney . . . Rodney Dangerfield."

He shakes it off but when he comes back to the bench he is talking with a Jimmy Stewart voice, mistaking his teammates for 1950's Hollywood heroes.

"Way to go out there, Spencer," he says to Foreman. "I loved you in Inherit the Wind." Foreman is baffled when he gets atop the bench and gathers the team arpund him..

"Now look here boys," he says. "We've got to go out there, go out there, you see, and get some hits. Hit the damn ball. Do it for your old man Jimmy."

Confused and alarmed, Jenny slaps him across the face to snap him out of it. He mistakes her for Katherine Hepburn. He thinks Pintus is some sort of angel sent to redeem us all.

He takes Batchelor aside and gives him a pep talk before his at bat.

"Now listen, Marlon, young feller," I want you to understand that no matter how you do, no matter how this team does, no man is a failure who has friends."

Baffled, Batchelor wracks his brain. It's been forevor since he saw It's a Wonderful Life, but he's pretty sure that Clarence the Angel and not George Bailey is the one who spoke that line.

Chico's (4-3) Sunk

2007-06-11T18:42:00.001-04:00

"Starboard side," shouts Pintus from his perch atop the main mast. "Ahoy starboard side!"All hands scramble to positions, summoned by the drums to beat them to quarters. The crew emerges swiftly from the hold to take up the defensive on the cannon decks."Forty-eight guns, and she's coming in swift as the devil," yells Leatherman as he tightens his headband and prepares for the onslaught of bullets and cannon fire.Like a ghost she emerges from the fog, guns ablaze, thirteen deadly shots lodged in the hull of the HMS Chico before the boys can even take their spots on the gun deck. Weaponry, hot and swift, whistles past their ears and loosens the timbers of this fine vessel from poop to aft.

For five innings, the Binder's weapons have no effect on the enemy's hull. Cannonballs bounce useless into the sea.

"A breach in the hull, sir," reports Vehse, soaked and exhausted already from manning the pumps.

Beneath decks, Antonini, Leatherman, Vehse, and Batchelor hammer boards to the ship's interior, muscle against brine, sweat against seawater. They struggle to repair the breach in the hull.

"Heave to!" shouts Foreman, pressing boards to the gaping holes in a valiant effort to lessen the water gaining inches and feet below decks. To ankles, to shins, and to knees it rises.

"Every plank's a board in their caskets," he entreats. "Not a drop more on board. Not a bit more o' saltwater to weigh us down." Every muscle and fiber of the boys strain to hold off the tide made gaping by the enemy's infliction.
The wound stanched and the water pumped back to the sea, HMS Chico's rights itself to cheers from the main and poop decks. All hands have grabbed for cutlasses and sabers. Ropes swing to tie the Chico's to its foe and prepare the battlefield for boarding.

"Aboard!," demands Giuliani, hair aflame.
Chico's swings to starboard, knives and pistols ready. Their fierce engagement terrorizes the enemy. In spite of being outnumbered and outmuscled, the boys in orange cause a swift retreat and make their way below decks.

Beneath the oak deck, they break the lock to the brig. Meatball! He's free. Armed and liberated from his evil captors, Chico's retreats to their home vessel, seven of the enemy down or overboard.

It is not enough. The HMS Chico's is damaged beyond repair. The main mast collapses as the team regains its own decks and loosens its grapples from the enemy. Explosions rock the cannon decks. Their ship is torn asunder. All is lost! All is lost. It's the seventh inning already, and it is too little too late! All s lost.

The sole lifeboat bobs alone, the faces of its crew illuminated in the towering flames. Valorous Bondsmen float in the sea holding onto to pieces of broken masts and aluminum bats cast adrift by the sinking ship. On board the remaining lifeboat, its occupants mark down the score and cheer the final innings. Jenny marks the final tallies adrift with Barb at the oars.

The Chico's ten drift this way and that, surrounded by sharks and rays. Shapes move ominously below. A brush against the thigh or foot is not a dolphin. It's not a seal. It's a shark. A big one.Watching the burning vessel slowly take on water and sink, its flames extinguished by the seamless unforgiving ocean, March—who somehow has climbed aboard the lifeboat—muses to his shipmates.

"A noble craft," he says mostly to himself, "but somehow a most melancholy! All noble things are touched with that."
"Indeed," agrees Krovich, his leg nibbled gingerly by a hungry nineteen footer.
---
Epilogue: CBB is the only team to take its foe to the 7th inning. Their undefeated enemy had ten-runned everybody else they faced. A minor victory in the grand scheme of things.

A Confession

2007-06-04T18:45:00.000-04:00

I have a confession to make. I have written about our softball team for about ten years, and I need to come clean. In some cases-- not all-- I embellished a little about what happened. I never lied about who won or lost. I may have reported an incorrect score here and there, but I never said we won a game we did not win. And I never *lied* per se. I may have stretched the truth a little bit, and I may have taken liberties with some details, but for the most part, I would say that about 80% of my reportage has been true, and the rest of it is my imagination "filling in the blanks." No harm, no foul right? I hope I have not made anybody angry. And I hope I dont lose any readers with this confession. It's just something I felt I needed to get off my chest. --Chico

Chico's (4-2) Haunted, Loses

2007-05-31T21:40:00.000-04:00

Whiston Field is clearly haunted. Ghosts flit in and out of the stands, on and off the field. One-eyed cripples, mysterious ancient suicides, and headless apparitions regularly appear among the boys walking in from the field at the end of the inning. They sneak upon the consciousness, light your cigarette on the bench, say something mysterious before your at bat, and disappear when you turn around to do a double take. There is something about this field that has cursed the Bonders, wrecked their fortunes on this dirty stone-ridden infield. And now we have an explanation: ghosts.

Tonight is more evidence. Mistakes abound on a night the boys needed to be flawless. No, instead Foreman is dragged from second by a ghostly 1700s frontiersman butchered alive on the banks of the Mon by Shawnee warriors, lost and wandering eternity among us, causing mischief when Chico’s plays on Whiston.

“In our early years, only nights with a waning moon brought out these creatures to this field,” says Leatherman, noting his game logs and lunar charts. “something has emboldened them. The moon is approaching full.” A pale shape of a girl aged 12 knocks the hat from his head and disappears in an instant, sending chills down our spines.

“It’s Apple Orchard Annie!” screams Meatball, pale and clearly scared.

“Apple Orchard Annie disappeared in 1904 from the White Family Orchard near these parts,” explains Krovich. “Her ravaged corpse was found in the creek nearby. The mystery was never solved.”

A young prostitute murdered in a downtown brothel in 1925 whispers “two outs” in Giuliani’s ear to draw him off the bag late in the game. There was in fact only one out recorded, and the game ended on this play. The night echoed with her coquettish laughter in all men’s ears, her mysterious negligeed shape barely visible out by second base, stab wounds visible underneath her loosely wrapped garments. Giuliani hung his head and cursed her again.

There is no humor when even the afterlife is not on your side. The farmer struck by lightning bringing in the final grains of the harvest out near Grafton in 1877 rolled back on his heels and laughed, fingers in his overall straps. Every laugh an error, every guffaw a strikeout.

Dead soldiers from all America’s wars sit solemnly in the bleachers on the opposition’s side, staring blankly at the action, emotionless. As the game progresses, the gather in numbers, heads hung between their knees, vacant stares barely following the action. By game’s end, hundreds have gathered and line the outfield wall, leaning, crouching, lying down. It’s a motley militia of bad luck and mourning, camped out in endless exhaustion and grief.

A World War Two GI approaches Foreman after the game. He pats the pitcher on the shoulder, offers him a cigarette and tells him, “It could be worse. At least you are alive and can enjoy the bitter taste of defeat. It’s better than being dead or even being dead and winning. Just ask these fellas.” He gestures to the hordes breaking camp and shuffling off into the woods, M16s and muzzleloaders clanking against each other, camo helmets and tri-cornered hats side by side in a post-game march toward into the black line of trees beyond the cars.

A Vietnam-war soldier, a boy of 18, comes near the manager after the game and asks shyly, “Where was March?”

“I don’t know,” says Foreman, closing his eyes and hoping all this will go away when the Bonders spend June on Liberatore, away from these horrors.

Chico's (4-1) Repels Demons

2007-05-25T13:34:00.000-04:00

This one goes out to all my girlfriends in red calling strikes and outs!
-- Chico

Chico's is 15 deep. Angels populate the bleachers in their favor while the opposition's fanbase consists mostly of hobgoblins, vampires, and succubi. Diabolous is in league with the forces of evil. Chico's is unafraid. They walk with virtue and the strength of our Lord God in Heaven by their side.

Diabolous is made up of minor deities from the pantheon of Hell. Satan himself recruited a crew of winged, crooked, and malodorous imps from the bowels of the underworld to represent the legions of the damned in BOPARC's lowest (not coincidentally) league. They have some talent and a few good ballplayers, but they fall short in their bid to usurp the boys la orange.

Bats-- nay, the weapons of virtue and holiness-- come alive in a timely way to smite the enemy. Well-placed and well-timed extra-base efforts yield runs, each touch of the plate a mark against the beast and his influence. Clutch performances dominate the narrative of this contest.

With the stellar middle infield gone to summer camp, CBB replacements are shuffled around, and they perform admirably. Replacement third baseman Patterson is 3 for 3 and solid with the glove. Giuliani awakens from frustration, notching an important double late and exhibiting symptoms of stigmata while standing on second. (He got better.) Crown of thorns laid aside, Foreman learns the rules for appealing faulty tag-ups and responds to his failure with a lead-off triple. Everyone adds to the mix with goodness and warm hearts. The constant plucking of harp strings and holy harmonic voices from the grandstands is deafening, uplifting.

Concerned the lowest level of BOPARC softball may be too easy, someone is heard to say that a 4-1 record indicates the Bonders are too good for this league.

Veteran Leatherman has played Double-A ball, and he knows how it works. 'It is better to reign in Single-A than to get beat up in Double-A,' he says. All agree.

Welcome!

2007-05-18T20:57:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the NEW Chico's Bail Bonds Softball Team Web Page! Enjoy! --Chico

CBB (3-1) Knocked for a Loop

2007-05-18T17:03:00.000-04:00

Bonders strand runners in the first two innings and blow a lead in the 7th to lose 6-5 to a young and talented team backed by the Sons of the Elders of Zion, Rupert Murdoch, and the Skull and Bones of Yale. Have mercy. Please forgive us our errors.

This game was defined by excellent defensive play on both sides. Chico's attempts three plays at the plate. Vehse makes a single out, but cannot hold onto the other two. The Bankers get a Bonder out at home on a tight play.

Finally—you knew it was gonna happen at some point—Antonini, Batchelor, and Leatherman hook up for a bang-bang, 6-4-3 double play. It was a thing of grace and beauty, like Baryshnikov, Nureyev, and some other famous male ballet dancer on the Whiston diamond clad in orange. Ahh, truth. Ahh, beauty. Ahh, Chico's. The Bonders turn another one on a sharp grounder up the middle to Antonini, but are, alas, the victims of the same fate turned by the quick-witted whippersnappers from up the mountain.

After the game, everyone thinks, "I could have done something different to change the outcome of the game." This "wings of the butterfly" thinking only sickens the heart and drains the spirit of a man. Everyone gave a supreme effort. Everyone gave it their best shot. Sometimes the snake gets bit, and sometimes the snake bites you. This night, the cobra struck and escaped the mongoose jaws of the boys we all know and love so well.

The bats will return. The bonders will regain their fighting spirit and wallop the next opponent. Even though Antonini and Batchelor—the stars of the middle infield—will be in San Fran, the boys will be back with claws, hoofs (in Foreman's case), and paws (Krovich) drawn.

Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold.

Ghost Haunts CBB Game Against Local Right-Wing Church

2007-05-14T17:04:00.000-04:00

Chico's (3-0) Wants Me for a Sunbeam

2007-05-11T18:50:00.000-04:00

In a match-up reminiscent of the Roman Coliseum's humans-versus-lions contests of old, Chico's enjoys the taste of liver, muscle, and flesh. Chestnut Ridge—in spite of all its earnestness youthfulness and hopeful pre-marriage celibacy—can muster little offense in the five innings they survived.

Chico's Bail Bonders is a team of fornicators, devil-may-care blasphemers, and pro-choice barbarians. Atheists and Democrats populate the line-up. Liberatore Field was a battleground of not mere teams, but of conflicting ideologies. Libertarianism and Catholicism won out in a 13-3 Bonders victory. Yee-ha!

It was a fine defensive performance for the boys in orange. Batchelor continues to amaze at second. He and Anotonini were very busy on the infidel . . . er, I mean infield . . . dirt and nearly turned several 6-4-3 double plays. The second baseman went back on a difficult play toward the line, showing incredible range to shag a weak fly. Foreman has refused several offers of a trade him up to double-A teams.

Up and down the lineup, the Bonders managed to get on base, hustling out grounders, blooping pop-ups to all corners, and just plain whacking it hard. Nothing could stop the bats late as Krovich hit a homer and Giuliani tripled in Antonini to make it a game in the bottom of the fifth with the ten-run lead.

When two Christians found themselves sharing third base, Foreman took a perfect throw from short to tag out the runner near the plate, holding the Ridgers to a scoreless inning. It was another illustration of the team's Steel Reserve.

Afterwards, many Chico's fellas relived great moments, aches and pains, and youthful memories of little league at 123. Tired and beat-up feeling, the team wonders if they can keep it rolling.

Chico’s wins! Chico’s wins! Chico’s wins against TY! (2-0)

2007-05-09T19:05:00.000-04:00

It actually was not very exciting. The TY team was young, all of them teens from what we can surmise. They were intimidated by Chico's:

Intelligence

Experience

Hair

Physical prowess

Apparent virility

Fans

Easygoing nature

Game highlights for the undefeated Bonders.

Krovich has reached base in every single at bat this season, including the game-winning RBI in the 5th.

Batchelor made some great plays, including a back-back-back-back-back catch on an awkward pop-up.

Foreman struck out 3, bringing his two-game total to 8.

Leatherman pounded the ball.

Giuliani was solid in the field.

Yue and Kelley subbed and got some key back-breaking hits.

March made it around the basepaths to score the winning run.

Lots of walks.

Porterfield's thumb is healing OK, thanks for asking.

Jenny kept score extremely well

Meatball is back!

What does "TY" stand for? Possible answers include:

Tortured youth
Too young
Tamarind yogurt
Toothed yinkus (a European fish, extinct)
Taskmasters of Yucatan
Tame youngins
Tamale yamale
Tiny yurt
Totally yoked (euphism for "pussy whipped")
Taupe yetis

Next game is against the Chestnut Ridge Church. Let's smite them.

Weather Inspires 23-18 Hitfest Victory (1-0)

2007-05-02T19:08:00.000-04:00

The members of the Chico's Bail Bonds softball team assembled for their first game on a warm and breezy Tuesday night. Nervousness and excitement beset the boys as they anxiously stretched and warmed up on the sidelines. Conversations turned to predicting the future. What will this season hold? How will the boys in orange do?

"I consulted the I Ching," says Krovich. "And it told me we would make the playoffs this year."

"I prefer the Tarot," says Bachelor. "It looks like another .500 season for Chico's."

Giuliani, Vehse, Porterfield, and Antonini gather around the ouija board that LJ keeps in his bat bag. T E N W Y N Z it spells.

"Will we make the playoffs?" asks Giuliani, his fingers hovering above the planchette. It drifts toward YES in the corner of the board.

"Look at this," says Pintus, showing his tea cup to Foreman. In the bottom of his cup, the tea leaves form a dollar sign. "A good omen," suggests Pintus. Foreman agrees.

Foreman describes to anyone who will listen that he prepares for the future by "Bible dipping," something he learned about in a book: it involves asking a specific question, randomly opening the Bible, and placing his finger on a passage. "The good book provides me with the guidance I seek," he says. "'Be sober, be vigilant: because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 2 Peter 5:8"

"Really?" says March. "I do the same thing with Moby Dick."

Leatherman, who is well-versed in these subjects, is strangely silent.

"I prefer to consult the weather for guidance," he says, a breeze picking up from the northwest, wisping his hair across his forehead. "The fortunes of Mother Nature are the fortunes of Chico's Bail Bonds. And tonight is, I think, the night I have been waiting for to deliver not mere signs and symbols. Tonight is the night for us to unlock the mysteries of creation itself."

Greg is nervous early, and he is fidgety as the wind gathers force and the skies darken. In the third inning, lightning strikes just as Krovich and Giuliani race toward a well-hit ball that turns into a grand slam homerun. The game is delayed for thirty minutes as the storm dissipates and the lightning drifts east. During the delay, Leatherman is missing. When play resumes, he asks Foreman to substitute a new player for him at first.

"He's solid in the field, a little slow on the bases, but a monster at the plate."
It's true. He is seven feet tall, green, stitched together from dead flesh, and recently reanimated as a result of the fierce lightning storm that delayed the game.

Frankenchico's addition to the lineup is just what the boys need. He hits two scorchers down the third base line and actually gets a double in his second at bat, lumbering around the bases while GST misplays several relay throws.

"That's heads up," says Krovoich. "Exactly what this team needs in the clean-up spot."

"His intensity is infectious," says Foreman, bearing down on the rubber to strike out five batters, three in a single inning.

"He smells like roadkill," adds Jenny, sitting as far away as possible in the bleachers.

Leatherman, near tears of joy at seeing his creation play flawlessly at first, does not mind sitting on the bench and watching the Bonders pound out 23 runs and allow a mere 18.

"The business of predicting the future is a tricky adventure," he tells his team as he puts the iron collar back around Frankenchico's neck. "But I think tonight's signs-- as provided by the heavens and its newly wrought creation for our team-- bode well for this season."

"Chico good. Chico good," shouts Frankenchico, stomping his feet and clapping his hands awkwardly. The boys pat him on the back and invite him to the bar to celebrate and watch Nashville Pussy.

"Frankenchico is a great addition to the team," says Foreman, contemplating the possibilities of an entirely fabricated starting lineup and possibly moving up to the more competitive AA league.

"He's a great addition," adds Giuliani, "but I think March is still the slowest guy in the league."